hhi blog...
heyz maybe i shld give u a name? any suggestions? oh ya u wun reply one... heez... means its me thinking only...
heez... i jus thought of a motif today... maybe use it for my first compo... 5-note... simple rhythm, not complicated at all...
ahz, talk about compo... reminds me of school... the weekend's over... a weekend is the only time i hav that i can imagine my life is fine and happy... which in fact is not... im envious of everyone else who can take things so easily. i look like i can, wif my smile all the time, but in actual fact i know im stressed out. i may jus konk out anytime... which isnt a good thing considering my health... after watching the first part of gattaca... im thinking is my life manufactured too? it does seem quite fake to me... or too real... im experiencing too many things all at once... makes my life complete, but fake? hmmm...
im beginning to dread going to school. there isnt much point in going any more. its going to be the same routine day in, day out, nothing new, nothing interesting. i hate this. and school, interacting wif everyone makes my life so real, which i dun like. i dun like the reality. its cruel. nothing goes well for me, it seems. its only me. always. why? why? why?
sometimes i wish i werent around. i want to just be a silent observer... it makes me happy to see everyone happy, without me screwing up everyone's life, and everyone not seeming to notice. i feel like an outsider wherever i go. i never belong anywhere... i can just die and no one will notice at all... grrr... so far no one has proven me wrong yet. its not a good feeling...
sometimes i just wish i was alone, where i can let my thoughts wonder to a faraway place, where everyone loves me, and i belong there. but is there such a place in reality? i want to find such a place, but...
gosh... that was long... and i havent said everything i want to...
but i dun hav time anymore... im going to hav to make the most of my time if im going to live this life fruitfully... seeing that i wun live as long as anyone i know... its not nice knowing u are unhealthy, wif a fatal illness... and there's no cure, and yet doctors fuss over u all the time..
ah blog... i'll give u a name soon...

on medication... that doesnt help...
-Chee