I'm shouting too much.
I'm complaining too much.
what for?
who's to listen to my woes?

i spent some time alone today...
thinking, wishing, wondering, wandering...
i know what's my problem. i've cooped up for too long...
i need to talk things out...
and so i did. i talked to myself. split personality? u can put it that way. at least i talked, i understood. dunno, sounds a bit crazy even to myself. *nervous chuckle* haha be glad any of u werent around when i was talking to myself...

then i decided to stay happy. again. as i always tried to do. but its no longer so easy. i guess i was wrong trying to be strong. stronger than i could be. im not. and how funny. its not the first time i realised that. this must be the thousand or million times already. yet im unwilling to learn. why? how? ok im realising now, i realli need help... especially since last year end, i've not realli been myself, as in truly the chee hang that many knew.

oh wells...

it's going to be a long holiday ahead of me... amidst singing, teaching, accompanying and performing... oh yes homework as well but that's not a prority. oh oh oh there's still kids. at least im always happy when im with kids. no matter how tiring and energy sapping taking care of kids is, i still need them to cheer me up. haha. temporarily though. after i sleep and wake up, well that;s another story i guess...

sometimes i wonder how dreams come about, and what they mean... today i dreamt about running after a bus. im chasing it. i can see that its a sbs bus, and the road looks vaguely familiar... holland road? i guess thats the road i travel most this year... though i cant realli tell... it could be hougang for all i know. cus ive been there plenty of times...

anyways... (funny this is one dream i could remember so much...) i was chasing the bus. cant see what bus number but must be something i take a lot of times... then it stops. unexpectedly. i quickly catch up wif it. reach the door and looked in. the inside is white. totally. see only one person on the bus, but i cant remember who. or whether i know that person or not. but he or she must be the reason i was chasing the bus... so i push open the door, and i step in. just as i open my mouth, the person transforms (is this a correct word to use?) into a hideous monster. gosh i cant even bear to describe it. and there's this evil laughter which is like super chilling... and everything turns green (yucks...) RJ green... brrrr...

then i wake up. sweating...

oh wells... must be christmas.. haha.. tho i dun think so...

afraid of school? or afraid of someone in school? or trying to get to someone in school? someone who's going away from school?

i simply dunno...
and im lost...

oh wells...

i must rest.

-Chee