sometimes i just want to ignore reality. its cruel.
sometimes i just want to go to a dreamland.
sometimes i wonder what is real and what's not.
sometimes i wonder why some people just keep bugging me.
should i just pack up and leave?
its not like i have no choice.
i can always just pack up and go elsewhere, out of home, out of school, out of country.
why not?
its not like i cant survive out of this country.
hheyz i do have a home somewhere out there. just not telling any of you yet.
hheyz i can always go there and do not come back.
why should i stay?
for one, i dun realli like school... never have. it's actually too stressful to me, and i never knew how to cope wif it. for those who think i have good results and such, bah. so what? results are not anything to be proud of. u have as much chance as me to score 4 As, or 6A1s, or 4 A*s... and results show nothing. i come back to this argument and conclusion i came to 5 years ago: even with good results, or even wif bad results, u are still on earth. u are not going anywhere. so what if u dun move up the hierachy? so what if they've got better job opportunities than u? that's so superficial. its what inside u that matters.
and i find that everyone in school is superficial.

i have never met anyone who actually isnt that superficial and looks beyond results.

life is shallow. nowadays. actually i'd rather a war time .. um.. time... at least it would be better if everyone just bothers about ur own life and survival. results wun let you survive. u have to work. dammit. work. !

irritating...
some people just are.
and some people are very very irritating. and demanding. and unreasonable.
go ahead. laugh. and hurt others' feelings.
go ahead. cry. i can tell u no one will ever bother.
go ahead. shout. and get scolded.

who cares. seriously.
who cares when i am alone at night, sobbing in despair, shouting to myself, scolding myself for what i've done wrong.
who cares when i laugh at all my mistakes.
who cares.
no one.

i can type here, and go on and on. blog. write out all my feelings.
but.
that's where it probably ends.
who will even read this?
who will even read this and ask me, and tell me that they care?
who cares?
no one.

no one.
no one.
no one.
no one.
no one.
no one.

alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.
alone.

that's what we all are. alone.
no one is around at all.

















a void.












isolation












dammit.












gone is the warmth












cometh the coldness.












and bitterness.












alone












no one












isolation