i've moved

http://seech.blogspot.com

see ya there! change ur links!

i'm just shocked at how fast things happened.

again.

why?

a chance?
do we stand a chance?

a hope,
a dream.

that's all for now...

-chee

Sea Fever

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sails shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the seagulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And the quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trek's over.

-John Masefield.

to all my friends, companions, associates, people who know me but i dun know you, and people who happen to pass by:

At this time of the year, I want to say that all of you have made a difference in my life in some ways this year, some more, some less, but all have been there, and i thank you. love you all.
Have a happy christmas, and a blessed one at that =o)

it took me 17 years and a few christmas parties and carolling sessions to see a glimpse of what christmas is like, and i shall treasure those who made it possible for me.

seeing all old faces again, and some very dear ones too, made me feel warm. what a pity, christmas comes only once a year.

happy christmas once again.

its this time of the year that stirs memories, and i want to speak about them to someone, but who is that someone?

at this point, im making use of my blog to reach out to someone i have lost. and never has i found someone as good as this person has been.

here's a message to a very very dear friend, someone whom i miss greatly. u might not even have a chance to read this, but i hope that u will know about it somehow.
My darling...
one year ago today, i sat in front of the keyboard missing you, hoping somehow i could see you again. wondering where you are, how you will spend your christmas. crying that somehow u will not forget me.
one year later today, i sit in front of this same keyboard, still missing you, but here also thanking you for the very special moments in my life.
indeed it has been a wonderful time i spent with you, and i am not going to regret it. but if circumstances were different, and we were not who we are, we could have been together more. yet sometimes life is just unfair.
more than a year ago, we realised we couldnt be together anymore, and we had to move on. i already have, and i believe u have too. though i do not see you anymore, i do know that u will have a great time without me.
the special moments in our lives, with those who love us so... and so the song goes. yes it was indeed special. as u used to say, im the most wonderful thing that has happened to you. and i must say u are the most wonderful thing that has happened to me too. yet we both know, our time was limited. but we were young, naive, and unafraid. we went into the unknown, living each day like there is no other. we spent some wonderful time together, a long long time at that. but we now know, we were not meant to be.
i still dream of you sometimes, and u will always be in my memory. though our paths may never meet again, there will be times in my life when i look at some things and i remember you. the way you look, the way you behave. the way you look into my eyes, and they peace in yours. the way you smile so sweetly, and the precious tears from your eyes.
thanks to you, i have found strength. courage. and confidence in myself. you were there when i was at my lowest point, you were there when the bad news came. you were there, but now you aren't. but you have given me strenth, and thank you.
as i say all this, my heart aches. though it has been a long time, i still feel for you. u have always been the weaker one, and i dun blame you if you cry again. but be strong my dear, and i wish you strength.
in this time of festivities, i wish you a happy christmas, and a happy new year. though you may not even read this at all, wherever you are, remember me, and have a jolly good time. i'll miss you greatly, for the past year of joy.
Love, Chee Chee.

is it better to be loved and lost than to never love at all?

What's hope to you?
What's a dream?

Chopin or Liszt?

chopin noctourne

or

liszt etude

?

Let me tell everyone about this person, whom i shall call A.

In A's life, it's always A, Do this. A do that.
It's never A do this Please.

In A's life, it's always A, listen to me.
It's never A what do you think?

When A is given a chance to allocate work, the people whom he commands go:
A, u r in charge. u do all la.

When A wants to do something that he really wants, he is never given the chance.

When A is given the chance, he screws up.

When he screws up, it's always A u arre so stupid. u cant do it at all. its your fault.
It's never, A, don't worry. We'll support u. try again.

To A, there is never a next time.

To A, there is never an opportunity.

To A, life is just standing as a supporting role.

To A, life is just being a background character.

To A, no one cares.

No prizes for guessing who A is.
I'll tell u.
It's me.

When do u ever see me with a chance to shine in glory?
When do u ever see me being acknowledged with a job well done? (oh yes of course the for scoring well that's all.)
When do u ever see me being appreciated for being there?
When do u ever see me being indispensable?
When do u ever see me playing an important role?
When do u ever see me not trying?
When do u ever see me not putting a mask on my face, acting childish, smiling, making sure everyone is happy, even when I am feeling damn pissed or upset inside?
When do u ever see me get my way?
When do u ever see me get a chance to do what others can do, to try, and maybe even to improve, and do better than others, instead of being rejected immediately?
When do u ever see me not being insulted in one way or another, direct in the face?

who is there, when i cry, to tell me not to worry, and that everything will be better?
who is there, when i cry, to lend me a shoulder to lean on?
who is there, when i cry, to give me a pat and ask me to hang on?
who is there, when i cry, to give me a hug and help me to carry on?
who is there, when i cry, to sit next to me, and listen to my woes?
who is there?

who truly understands me?

who cares anyway?

no one even bothers to read this.
to others, Chee Hang is just there.
If he's not, no matter someone can replace him.
how insignificant.

i want a chance.

ch

today is the first time i sang in a concert and i didnt memorise everything before that. in fact the last song the african one i only heard it in full yesterday. then the other combined songs i was lip singing half the time. woops sorry. but still. quite a nice concert i would say.

some after thought:
-some people just cant conduct.
-some people just dun get a chance.

hmm nice cake thanks a lot meimei and punk! =o)

ok mus sleep...

ch

listening is the key.
to success.
for everyone.
listen.

it's not just a one man show.
that's wad team spirit is about.
no matter wad u think of the team.
it's not just a one man show.

u r not that important.
everyone in a team has a time
when he or she is dispensable.
so make friends, not enemies.

Tomorrow: Erhu Exam.
Saturday: Concert.

how exciting.

Things shouldn't be left unsaid.
Even between those who don't talk much.


I do not think that fighting makes you bigger and stronger.
But those cowards who stand at the sidelines watching them fight are not part of the team.


Don't you know that you are unpopular with everyone else?
Sometimes it doesn't hurt to just stand back and look on.


I am a nuisance nowadays.
I was worse.

had rehearsal today, combined wif ebchoir and sfxyc. hmm wad to say... the choir has definitely improved alot since my batch left. they were shockingly good today. (i'll bet some people have something to say about that but haha i'll let it go...)

hmm a long time since i heard mr leong talk again. hmm as usual i wasnt paying attention, but what i did catch:
sometimes some people are just meant to die.
then he quoted quite a few examples but i wasnt listening again. i was on that thought about how people can be meant to die. not as in die naturally but like fatal accidents. or premature ending of life due to some fatal diseases. which leaves me thinking:
am i one of those who are meant to die?

my mind realli started wondering. what have i done over these 17 (going to be 18) years? have i done anything worth mentioning? have i done anything that has greatly impacted someone? have i done anything worthwhile? have i done anything which has enriched my life? and others?

sometimes i do wonder if i am a backup. like a person whom someone turns to only when the front player doesnt work out. do i always live in another's shadow, not able to do anything to raise the ranks and plunge into the first team?

gosh i am just a backup.

and i hate it. why? why do people ignore me for months on end when they find something else interesting, and only come back and act like i am such a precious stone when the bulb in their life has dimmed? can't i do more? can't anyone notice me first and not last?

I'm disappointed in myself.

come to think of it, now with a concert coming, am i strong enough to still sing on? am i able to do the impossible? i don't sound well. its a fact i openly declare. people think i do, but i know better. friends (or rather compatriots) who are blunt openly tell me that i don't. and i don't blame them for it. i know i don't sound well at all. my technique is just bad. and i dun learn. i am too proud to learn. i am too lazy to practise. look all the negative things...

what is the use of me in the concert? just to spoil the perfect blending everyone else has? now that i am singing my part alone its worse isnt it? and my pitching is all over the place. yucks. dont try to comfort me u and i both know how bad i sound.

grrr.

ya i dun even make a decent backup. what are the hopes of being even thought of last? i may not even come into some people's mind at all. too insignificant and bad.
maybe i should stick to doing what im good at.

which is...


nothing.

-ch

12 dec. 19 days to the new year.

looking back, this has been a super busy and hectic year. but must say the most enriching thing i ever done was to do accompaniment. yea, as in not pei2 people to go around to anywhere but piano accompaniment.

ac·com·pa·ni·ment
Music. A vocal or instrumental part that supports another, often solo, part
a subordinate musical part; provides background for more important parts [syn: musical accompaniment, backup, support]

courtesy of www.dictionary.com

ok so wad about accompaniment.
for one, i believe all pianists shld do accompaniment at some time or another during their course of study in the instrument. its quite a skill, another discipline all together, and will definitely make u more sensitive to music. why? when doing accompaniment, for once u r looking at more than just 2 staves (ok we shall exclude rach wif 4 staves or debussy wif 3 haha) and there suddenly is one more or two more staves in super small print above ur piano part. thus u cant just play wadeva u want in wadeva way u want in ur own part. u have to find out what's happening in the solo part. It;s not just about u anymore, selfish arrogant pianists!

u have to make sure u dun overplay and cover the soloist. or else u will end up in such a situation my friend (a violinist, not so pro though) told me about. they were playing franck sonata 4th movement, he and his accompanist. (even tho this is a chamber work for piano violin i'll still say accompanist.) it was a performance i think, or a small scale recital. but anyways the general idea is that the star is the violinist. but wad happened after franck? wow the pianist is very good! great pianist! oh and the violin provides a nice support too. How embarassing.

accompaniment is a skill that is hard to acquire. it is part of chamber playing. u need to use your ears more than anything else. Its something that non-pianists (eg violinists) get a lot of opportunities to do, either by playing solo wif an accompanist (well u need to know where to come in and such) or playing in an orchestra (just look, how many orchestras actually have a piano in there?) The accompanist doesnt just provide a backdrop that is just there. it also has to support the music. help the soloist bring out important stuff like emotionally high points. the accompanist has to make sure that after playing the piano for the soloist, the performance turns out better than ever, the performance is enhanced, and not compromised. hmm its hard work. practise is of course a must. (yea, dun ever be as mad as me as to take a score in the morning and help someone wif an audition tape in the evening. it wasnt an easy piece anyways. had like an average of 6 notes every time i press the keys, and its a super FAST song...)

Havin said all that, not everyone can do accompaniment. becuase not everyone is as sensitive as a good accompanist is and so on. but its always good to start. make urself available to do accompaniment. its good enrichment for the pianist. if not accompaniment, duets wld be a nice starting point too! the collaboration between the players... etc etc...

good accompanists are just that: good. its hard to become a good one, and i aspire to be one. its hard. damn hard. n i know i wun make it when i break down in the middle of franck. at least not yet. one day i will.

til then. i still think all pianists should get out of their shell. get out of ur comfort zones. look down, dun put ur nose so high and mighty way up there. for once, let others shout at u for not doing something good enough, cus its going to affect others. take the responsibility. take the challenge. help a soloist become a greater one. by doing so, u r learning. by learning, u make urself a better pianist. wif all these using of ur ears, u will improve. definitely. and playing wif diff soloists will allow u to find out sounds of diff instruments, and if u ever want to create a similar sound on the piano (an exact same sound is imposs. how does a piano sound like a violin?) u will know how to do so.

accompaniment.

ch

things i learnt over the past two days. (ps i learn something new everyday)

Lightning is bright.
Kids are cute when u dun have to control them.
C and D are separate. its not cd but C.D.
Chocolates are expensive.
Cold Storage is colder than NTUC
Trains run at 4.30 in the morning. (service ones...)
Bishan floods alot.
U can play ping pong underwater.
There's no handphone reception in basements.
I talk a lot.
There's no need for love stories during V-day.
V-day is on Feb 14. not 15. (wait did i get that right?)
Life isn't fair. but Love is? quote "All's fair in love." funny. isnt love part of life.
U can carry drugs wrapped as christmas presents if u are in a big group of teengaers. and they won't catch u i think.
BK cups are easy to shred.
Photocopying 50 pages is cheaper than 47.
I'm forgetful.
I'm punctual. (always ON the dot.)
People i knoe (from chs n rj) r always late.
hi5 is an online thing.
kids always pair older people up. sometimes more than pair.
Orange juice makes ur lips red like u've got lipstick on.
The pool staff at East Coast DO check ur age.
Rich people are nice people.
Christmas has more meaning than Holiday Specials on TV. (haha)
Siblings fight. Even unreal siblings fight a lot. But unreal siblings are still nicer than real siblings.
Seng Kang LRT travels with a lot of speed changes. super hard to balance. and its misleading on which side to take etc.
3 chairs on each hand is easier to carry than 5 chairs tog on two.
trash bags are for trash like me. ? !
When u go to cold countries, u need more clothing!
Rebana is round and nice to hit.
TCHS (notice the T) are nicer if they are not in RJ haha.
Black shirts have advantages and disadvantages.
Lifts are noisy.

Wow. Facts of life!

-Chee Hang

hmm i havent blogger for 5 days. which is not amazing nor interesting nor surprising actually, considering the number of stagnant blogs around...

wow it's already the 9th Dec!!! and means about 24 more days to the new school year? and lets see... here's wad i actually have to do b4 school reopens:
FMaths Tutorial -- Matrices
FMaths Tutorial -- Polar Coordinates
FMaths Assignment -- Integration III (long overdue. supposed to have handed up b4 term ends i think haha)
Physics Tutorial -- E. Field
Physics Holiday Assignment
Composition 2
Harmony (only 1 exercise phew)
FMaths Holdiay Assignment (which i dun think i'll do since theres no need to hand up for me)
GP a lot a lot of papers. which i dun think i'll do too since its oral discussion i guess...

ok now that ive listed them down, lets see how far i've got.
FMaths Tutorial Matrices Qn 3
FMaths Holiday Assignment qn 1 part 2
Compo -- I'm stuck at bar 18?

haha...

and consider how many more things i have revolving around me. a peek at my planner:
Vocale Pracs
Erhu lessons
Accompaniments
Erhu exam
Accompaniments
Vocale
CIP
Vocale
Vocale

haha. ok not to say vocale takes up the most time (actually accompaniment does. wait no. er hu haha) actually id rather go for vocale all the time. hey at least over there i use my mouth and sing ok? hahahah

lets just see wad i have tmr lorz...
Accompaniment
PE Henderson Children Society Christmas Party
Vocale

haha of which the party and vocale is concurrent. hmmm. hrmmmmmm.

then saturday is
Accompaniment
CIP 9.30 to 5

whoahahaha...

okok im making a fuss out of nothing hahaha. its just typical. =x at least no tuition or anything of that sort. and no study groups and no outings and no movies and no frens who will go out wif me. consider all that im actually left wif a lot more time than others haha.

oh wells.

today went to this Russian + Singapore music exchange. called Eastern Counterpoint. heard pieces by russian n singaporean composers lorz. i wonder what kind of impression the local works are giving to the russian national orchestra players... i mean it sounds all the same to me. they probably think 'hmm singaporeans are actually so influenced by stravinsky that they are all turning russian too.' ergh so much talk about nationalistic music of singapore. and how about creating singapore's identity... the only singapore identity i can think of right away are those songs that go Singapura... Oh Singapura... Sunny Island set in the sea and Count on ME Singapore!!!. of course these hav the singaporean identity. its spelled out haha. national day songs. one day must create a medley out of them. ALL of them. or at least most. then call it THE singaporean identity. haha.

Talk about local composers. funny how for 2 consecutive SYFs they are using singaporean works for set pieces. wad's this, Goh Toh Chai and Leong Yoon Pin looking for commissions? cant realli say that Irama Belia and Sunset are fantastic works. choir pple have been complaining non stop about them. but still, well its the exposure for the choirs, and conductors alike. make them learn to conduct something more atypical than russian modern pieces. hmm but it does seem a bit on the easier side sometimes though. oh wells.

i'll look forward to SYF for choirs next year. tho i have no part in it. haha.
senja kala wo men hui jia le
tambura tambura tambura tambura tabla tabla tabla tabla
dondang sayang dondang sayang
the birds, are si... lent. in thier... in their nest
and i must find mine.
that's Sunset if u dunno yet. at least wad i can rmb of it. dun hav the score in my hands right now...
(oh something amusing... at the top of the score it says the title and the last name of the composer. so it goes Sunset Leong. so Leong Yoon Pin now has a first name -- sunset. haha)
(and all those sexual connatations that our dear gabriel cheow has been talking about... aiyorhs)

ok enough rambling.

ch

wonder why my blog count stays stagnant at 125. probably the largest number they can count to. probably time to move.

they always say, its the thought that counts.
but
the smallest deed is greater than the biggest intention.
or
action speaks louder than words. or thoughts.

ever wondered what goes through in one's mind when he/she stands there right in front of people who are not ready to listen, and he/she tries to get them to listen?
let me tell u...
nothing. its blank. u dunno how to start, u dunno when to start. u feel like shouting but probably know u shouldnt. in other words it sux.

im not well yet... still on the brink of death. (?)
such a thin line between health and sickness.

give thanks.

if u want something bad enough, u'll get it. especially if u want bad things to happen to u.

the greatest failure is not failure itself but a failure to try.

fail to plan and plan to fail.

believe u fail and u will.

of course failing isnt a great feeling. but we all fail sometime or another, take it in ur stride. it doesnt matter if u fail and fail again.
I've missed over 9000 shots in my career.
i've lost almost 300 games.
26 times ive been trusted to take the game-winning shot... and missed
ive failed over and over and over in my life
and that is why i succeed. -Michael Jordon
Of course, im not saying everyone is like him. so what if u were trusted and expected to succeed, but failed? its not the end of the world. act like it is, and it is.

my gosh i look spent. haggard. wadeva.

-ch

its been quiet recently.
scarily quiet.
im spending so much time alone... hmm...
online i dun even go listen to songs anymore...
i dun even talk to old frens whom i meet online...
i dun even talk that much nowadays...
hmm...

oh wells
hafta do sumting to keep myself occupied...

-ch

idol idol...

i agree wif dick lee... 'now if anyone asks me about the music industry in singapore, i have something to say about' (adapted, Singapore Idols Finals) wow i actually sat there since 7.45 til about now? hmm though i still think sly is mumbling and refusing to open his mouth... but still he has excellent stage presence! then again so does taufik...

ok im a super big critic. but shant say too much here or else im going to get arrowed. all in all its a good show between the two of them. they realli have improved a lot over the past 6 months. (tho i still think olinda shld hav gotten into the finals but that's another story. i dun regret seeing the two of them there. )

ok wad time is it... 9.43... 10 oclock mus go and catch results!

*****

wow. my two certs on the table looks damn cool. the AB one is in Bronze, the LR one in silver... i mean the bolded words. here's how the cert looks like. first there's a logo then:

The Associated Board

of the Royal Schools of Music

Royal Academy of Music . Royal College of Music
Royal Northern College of Music
Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama

This is to certify that

SEE CHEE HANG

has been examined in

PIANO PERFORMING

and having fulfilled the requirements of the syllabus

is hereby awarded the

DIPLOMA OF THE ASSOCIATED BOARD

OF THE ROYAL SCHOOLS OF MUSIC

August 2003

The other one goes:

The Associated Board
of the Royal Schools of Music
Royal Academy of Music . Royal College of Music

Royal Northern College of Music

Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama

This is to certify that
SEE CHEE HANG

has been examined in
PIANO PERFORMING
and having fulfilled the requirements of the syllabus
is hereby admitted a

LICENTIATE OF THE ROYAL SCHOOLS OF MUSIC

August 2004

it looks super nice la... DipABRSM and LRSM. MAJOR ACHIEVEMENT for ME!!!
Cant say im not proud of myself. and my marks was an improvement too! a 9 mark jump, all from my recital section! im so glad! no that's an understatement. HAHA

*****

Cat High EBChoir did us proud AGAIN!
http://www.millenniumtravel.cz/christmas/e_result04.htm

Laureate of the Festival
Edward Becheras Choir of Catholic High School - Singapore

the absolute winner of the festival

now how does that sound.
congrats EBC! 6 golds in 6 years! major feat!

****

ok 10 oclock liaoz mus go catch results.